How do I stay present when things become too stressful? This was a question posed to me by a college student that I've been mentoring as part of my current work. What follows is how a question about stress management turned into a conversation about intention and the changing nature of reality.
Like many millennials, while this student is over committed with coursework and extracurricular activities, she also feels a deep sense of responsibility to help others. As a Fellow in our program, she is inspired to build a community of support for refugee students and help them through the college admissions process. In addition to preparing for the LSAT, she is also nervous about a fundraiser that she has organized for refugee students, where she's committed herself to raising $100,000.
Knowing this about her, I wanted her to understand the deeper source of her stress. In our results oriented society, individuals working in social change feel trapped under pressure to show impact and quantify benefit. While their original inspiration to serve originated in their hearts, very soon a timeline with milestones and deadlines starts forming in their heads, and the intention becomes muddled or forgotten.
When she shared how embarrassed she would feel if she wasn't able to reach her goal of $100,000, I asked her to reflect on what her deeper intention was for wanting to help refugee students. On the surface level, she wanted them to be able to access the same level of quality education that she herself received. But with some probing, she realized that beyond this surface, what was more important was for refugees and immigrants to feel seen and have a sense of belonging in their new community.
Soon, a conversation that could have gone down the "how to strategize for quantified impact", changed into an inquiry about "Why fundraise? Is this the most meaningful way to create community?" This is not to say fundraising is not needed or that it's the wrong tool to employ. But what's important to realize is how the "why" inspires an entire shift in perspective.
Now instead of feeling stressed and pressured to find wealthy donors to raise $100,000, she was feeling inspired and energized to design an event focused on relationship building and deep connection. She shared ideas for inviting refugee students and community members to share their dreams through storytelling. Instead of having the typical fundraiser ticker that indicated how much more there is left to raise throughout the evening, she pondered the idea of not asking for funds at all. What if the event was designed for emergence? How can she create the conditions for meaningful connection to emerge between refugee students, professors, and community members? How might this lead to unexpected and deeper ties that go beyond monetary resources?
So then we came back to the original question about how to be present in the face of stress. Asking ourselves, "What's my intention? Why am I doing this?" is helpful in separating ourselves from the "I" (that becomes attached to projects and outcomes) and reconnecting ourselves back to the heart. I asked her to try this out when thinking about the LSAT and law school. "What's your ultimate intention?" "Ultimately, I want to benefit others. That's why I want to study law." "Then what's there to worry about? The law of nature is on your side:)."
We get so caught up in ideas about the "best" law school and the "best" scores. Why? Somehow we attach our "I"dentity to the outcome and we forget all about our intention. When we come back to the intention, we become present, there is no stress, and we're able to see things more clearly.
On the morning of her LSAT, I asked her to meditate on this thought for a few minutes before going into the exam room. "The outcome of this exam doesn't really matter. What matters is that I know I'll do my best. What matters is that I know why I want to go to law school and that's to benefit others in society. If that's truly my intention, then the rest will take care of itself. So there is nothing to worry about."
In sharing this with her, I too realized that every moment that we are truly present, we are peaceful, calm, and equanimous:).
Like many millennials, while this student is over committed with coursework and extracurricular activities, she also feels a deep sense of responsibility to help others. As a Fellow in our program, she is inspired to build a community of support for refugee students and help them through the college admissions process. In addition to preparing for the LSAT, she is also nervous about a fundraiser that she has organized for refugee students, where she's committed herself to raising $100,000.
Knowing this about her, I wanted her to understand the deeper source of her stress. In our results oriented society, individuals working in social change feel trapped under pressure to show impact and quantify benefit. While their original inspiration to serve originated in their hearts, very soon a timeline with milestones and deadlines starts forming in their heads, and the intention becomes muddled or forgotten.
When she shared how embarrassed she would feel if she wasn't able to reach her goal of $100,000, I asked her to reflect on what her deeper intention was for wanting to help refugee students. On the surface level, she wanted them to be able to access the same level of quality education that she herself received. But with some probing, she realized that beyond this surface, what was more important was for refugees and immigrants to feel seen and have a sense of belonging in their new community.
Soon, a conversation that could have gone down the "how to strategize for quantified impact", changed into an inquiry about "Why fundraise? Is this the most meaningful way to create community?" This is not to say fundraising is not needed or that it's the wrong tool to employ. But what's important to realize is how the "why" inspires an entire shift in perspective.
Now instead of feeling stressed and pressured to find wealthy donors to raise $100,000, she was feeling inspired and energized to design an event focused on relationship building and deep connection. She shared ideas for inviting refugee students and community members to share their dreams through storytelling. Instead of having the typical fundraiser ticker that indicated how much more there is left to raise throughout the evening, she pondered the idea of not asking for funds at all. What if the event was designed for emergence? How can she create the conditions for meaningful connection to emerge between refugee students, professors, and community members? How might this lead to unexpected and deeper ties that go beyond monetary resources?
So then we came back to the original question about how to be present in the face of stress. Asking ourselves, "What's my intention? Why am I doing this?" is helpful in separating ourselves from the "I" (that becomes attached to projects and outcomes) and reconnecting ourselves back to the heart. I asked her to try this out when thinking about the LSAT and law school. "What's your ultimate intention?" "Ultimately, I want to benefit others. That's why I want to study law." "Then what's there to worry about? The law of nature is on your side:)."
We get so caught up in ideas about the "best" law school and the "best" scores. Why? Somehow we attach our "I"dentity to the outcome and we forget all about our intention. When we come back to the intention, we become present, there is no stress, and we're able to see things more clearly.
On the morning of her LSAT, I asked her to meditate on this thought for a few minutes before going into the exam room. "The outcome of this exam doesn't really matter. What matters is that I know I'll do my best. What matters is that I know why I want to go to law school and that's to benefit others in society. If that's truly my intention, then the rest will take care of itself. So there is nothing to worry about."
In sharing this with her, I too realized that every moment that we are truly present, we are peaceful, calm, and equanimous:).
Community Reflections
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