It was the third time Fatima came to clean my flat. It was a hot day and the door to my patio, which had been closed on previous occasions, was open.

"I have swept the outside as well so that you could sit out there in the sun"

I was touched. What a kind person she was. I had not even thought about asking her to do that.

The previous time Fatima had told me about a difficult client who kept changing the booking last minute, for which Fatima had had to reschedule with me a few times. I had told her that she needed to put down firm booking rules. I also told her that she did not have to put up with the rudeness from this other lady. She had agreed with me but as it turned out, she could not say no to unreasonable demands from this person. Not because she feared losing a client, she had a full-time job now. She said that she felt bad when the other person got upset and angry. She wanted everyone to be happy...

I went into a long conversation to explain to Fatima that the other person's misery was not her fault. Some people are just always stressed and unhappy because they do not know how to help themselves. But we have to look after ourselves. I also said that that if she didn't tell this lady what was unacceptable, she would never learn and other people in her life would continue to be at the receiving end of her poor behaviour. Then Fatima went on to talk about not being loved by her family. I just listened. There was nothing to say now...

When we parted I encouraged Fatima to say "no" and stay with the "feeling bad" state for a few days. It would get easier each time, I assured her. And you could certainly lose relationships that brought stress to your life. She thanked me repeatedly and said how my words helped her. Uncertain if she would remember to stand up for herself, I gave her a "You are loved" card with a reminder note at the back. I looked straight into her eyes and stated with fierce affirmation: "You are a wonderful person, no matter what other people may do or say. You are loved. Please remember that." There were tears in her eyes before we went into a hug.