[Below is a stunning story from Ruth, on her experience receiving a priceless gift, that surfaced in the Priceless Pricing Pod that began this week.]


Paradoxically, my most priceless gift involves a gift of money.



The year my husband and I divorced, our daughter entered college and our son exited into the world. Despite the fact that my position at the college where I had worked almost twenty years contributed toward children’s college tuition as a benefit (one of the reasons I had stayed easily in high satisfaction work that paid a low salary), my daughter's first comprehensive college bill was a larger amount than my entire yearly salary! In the emotional turmoil of our divorce, my husband had opted not to pay any college expenses because both children were over 18, so legally he did not have to provide college funds. No amount of my normal creativity, organization and determination partnered with a positive attitude could mathematically solve this financial situation! I just couldn’t pay for her college. In addition, my husband, who earned a livable income, still could not access his better instincts to support our daughter’s education.



In the midst of these worst case scenarios, going outside to rake leaves and cry, mixing the comfort of moving and accomplishing a task alongside a much needed emotional catharsis, seemed a good idea. I knew from past experience in difficult situations, that I could first feel the grief and frustration, then give into my whole range of emotions, I could clear my way to some kind of constructive resolution. I wept, releasing all the pent-up sadness, even despair, I was feeling. And then I wept some more.



My across-the-street neighbor, a women's group friend and professor at the college where I worked, walked across the street to inquire about my very visible (and audible, I'm sure!) sobbing while raking leaves.



"I can't help but notice that you are crying," she said, kindly not adding that anyone in a football field range could probably hear me crying.


"I'm facing the financial impossibility of supporting my daughter’s college attendance right now during this difficult emotional climate around our divorce." I tried to be as factual and non-emotional as possible considering the volatile emotional scene I inhabited at the moment.



My friend’s response emerged as a much needed, long, and sincere hug that I remember still, which emphatically helped me feel her company and support, soothing my heart. I continued raking, but dropped the therapeutic crying. I felt familiar strength emerging.





The next morning, my neighbor appeared with a truly amazing proposition. She told me of hers and her husband's several years’ previous move from another city where they were not able to sell their condominium, so they had been renting it instead. In our town they had purchased a house, so that rental money did not have an embedded place in their monthly budget.



"Ruth, I know you well as a woman, a friend and a neighbor. I work with you at the college where I watch your dedication to our students' lives. I witness your care and guidance for their mental health and success. Your involvement in their growth into productive and compassionate students supports our mission. I know our workplace benefits from having you and your world view present on both a personal and an educational level. My husband and I want to INVEST in you with our rent money. We trust that you will grow in value, even better than the stock market.”



I cried for the second time in two days, only this time from my neighbor’s tender and generous offer beyond even my most creative imagining. The sad and self-pitying idea I had concocted of myself as a person worth only a meager salary, a woman unable to keep her child in college, and a wife who failed at a marriage so completely she couldn't even convince her husband to help educate their daughter---in short, a woman not seen, not heard, not valued---evaporated. Almost instantly that woman turned into a valuable woman, mother, and educator who had a combination of tangible and intangible worth. They actually offered me money because of how I lived and worked! Who does that?! My two neighbors decided to put money in my hands so I could provide ongoing care, compassion, and value in return. I could interpret myself as a tangible currency that would grow the intangible qualities of students.



What happened next? The realization that I had worth, that two people supported ME, spurred me to renew belief in myself. I went to the bank, convinced that local branch that I was a safe and valuable investment (I used those beautiful bridging words) in the community, and I borrowed tuition money with half the house as collateral, even though nothing appeared formally on paper. The bank took my word I would repay a loan based on my value and my promise. Then I spoke to my husband through my heart entreating him to remember our original covenant to nurture, support and educate the children we created together and loved. I appealed to the father he could be, despite the hurt and anger he projected toward me. We agreed to split our daughter’s tuition for the next four years and in the third year, after his anger had abated, we became friends again until he died five years ago, always acknowledging the wonderful children who had come through us as our common connection. At my daughter's graduation, we celebrated her accomplishment and then the sale of our house, which more than repaid my loan and gave my husband a financial return.



The lesson: Sometimes money can be a foundation for change and can solve problems centered on money, but the more powerful currency is measured in value, in intangibles based in, and created through love. Whenever I give money to help someone, I use the language of money I learned: I invest in them financially, but I make sure they know that what I am really giving them is recognition of their value and that I see their value, I hear their story and worth and I value who they are and what they will contribute to the collective good and their communities. We seal the loving action with a long hug. Sometimes the recipients pay the investment forward, creating a living thread connecting love to more love. Occasionally someone sends me money back with stories of how that money created love and moved around doing good, so I can reinvest it in someone new.



The effect: My neighbor offered money for me to pay my daughter’s tuition, a truly generous act by itself but what she gave attached to the actual funds was an “investment” in my soul worth, which then expanded and multiplied way beyond just the offer of funds. That belief in my worth still reverberates through me, through everyone I have supported and beyond that into teaching the concept. More importantly, I, in most interactions and circumstances, I “invest” solely in the intangibles of those I know, I transfer the currency of validation, recognition and trust, reminding all that they have worth measured on another scale than money. My neighbor primed my personal pump enough to release my creativity, to stretch my vision, and to trust and love myself as my own problem solver. What a sound investment all around! My stock market value soars…….over and over.