We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice- Dalai Lama

While I was at work yesterday at the women's rescue home, I heard a girl calling out my name out of joy saying, look didi who is here. I looked back and I saw a little girl who looked quite baffled with all the new faces around her. Her name is Aliya. She is around 3 years old. I was seeing her after a year so it took me awhile to recognize her. She is the daughter of a sister who is specially-abled. She was abused while she was staying on the streets. She delivered her baby in a public garden when she was less than twenty years of age. She was later brought to the government rescue home and since then she is staying here. Because she wasn't able to take care of her baby fully due to her mental condition lot of other girls staying in the same home helped her with the basics. Later Aliya was shifted to an infant home where children from 0-6 years of age reside. Most of them are orphans, abandoned or at risk due to various reasons. The frequency of the mother meeting Aliya is almost once in a month or sometimes two depending upon the availability of the staff who brings the child here.

The mother had told me a few days ago that her daughter is going to visit her soon and she was waiting to see her. As soon as the mother saw Aliya, her first instinct was to run to her cupboard and grappled the cupcake that she had saved for her. That is what a mother will do right? That is what my mother did too. But with the psychologist hat that I was wearing, I was wondering if she really felt giving a cupcake to her child or if she had learnt that while observing other mothers doing the same who stay in the same premise. Aliya was still crying while absorbing what was happening around her. There came a moment where one of the sisters who was carrying Aliya came to the mother and asked to hold her. As the mother opened her arms, Aliya denied and started crying even louder. As a witness, it was heartbreaking to see that the child was feeling scared or say uncomfortable going to her own mother. Feeling overwhelmed with the child's response, the mother also started crying. In no time a crowd of more than twenty females showered her with some do's and don'ts, some of which were hurtful and harsh.

I just went and sat next to the mother trying to understand her turmoil. I couldn't do much but felt like being there with her in between all the chaos. I saw some floating emotions on the faces of people around us. Few rescued sisters were wondering why isn't Aliya going to her mother after all she is her child. The staff, some of them who are mothers too, were commenting on the overflowing emotions of the mother, forcing her to suppress it and build a quick rapport with her child. The struggle of the mother to find a way to have her child in her arms and the incomprehensible emotions of the child to figure out who is the real mother.

In the midst of all of this, I was wondering what is to be a mother, what is it to be a child with a mother who is specially-abled, what is it to have no trace of the father or any other family member. What would be the impact of the present on the formative years of Aliya and so many other children on this earth to grow without the warmth, comfort and security that I experienced as a child?

After a while, I had the privilege to walk away from the emotional chaos that I was feeling inside my mind while walking out of the rescue home to my own home where I feel safe and secured. The realization is not everyone has the liberty of having a choice to make a choice for one self which itself is a privilege.

Meanwhile, another sister who is nineteen is counting days for the arrival of her first child. She is a silent doer and her poise presence always reminds me to take a deep breath. As we heard that she is in labor today, one of the sisters who is mute made this painting to honor motherhood:)