[What a sweet surprise to see Pavi and Viral at DRBU the day before our weeklong Guanyin Retreat! I rarely saw them even when I lived in the Bay. Pavi asked if I had any recent writing, and I mentioned the poem that I wrote on death, which was prompted by a recent death in the extended CTTB community. An accident on Talmage Road (near CTTB) on 14 September 2018, killed Xamuel Lara, a 34-year-old organic farmer, activist, mentor and leader, who was on his way biking to CTTB to visit one classmate in our Classical Chinese class. Sophie knocked on my door one late evening, and shared what she witnessed at the end of the evening ceremony in the Buddha Hall--the wail of our classmate shook her deeply. I woke up early the next morning, thinking about that classmate and how she might be feeling in her deep sorrow, when some verses came to me, as I thought of my own death. Below, Every Moment Is a Matter of Life and Death, is what those verses became after many revisions. It also resonates with what the two former ServiceSpace summer interns shared on death and suffering: What Death Taught Me About Life by Thao Phi, and Let Compassion Heal Us by Sophie Wu.]


Every Moment Is a Matter of Life and Death
Xiaojuan Shu

Death is busy
Every day, it snatches away
countless living beings
or lurks nearby
patiently
Suddenly
awareness enters my mind:
death could be right outside anytime!

Please do not knock
I’m not ready!

When I am aware,
I smooth the way
for my own death

First, my parents
who gave me life
I need to smooth the way
for their death too
for me
for them

To smooth the way
I need to help them
realize their dreams
expand their minds
if only I knew myself
how to live, really live

In order to know how to live
I need to open wide
my compassionate heart
because suffering
is all around
But with compassion alone, I might sink
in the vast sea of misery

To stay afloat
I need a boat
built with an unmoving mind
to point within
where all inherent wisdom lies

Every day
death is busy
Moment after moment
is a matter of death and life

I vow to live
each moment
with fearless joy, cultivating
compassion and wisdom
before death
knocks on my door

When that knock comes
my wings fling open
fully, ready to fly