It's been almost three months that I have been wandering and each day is so different and sometime difficult from the other.

I have had more realizations now compared to my whole 24 years on earth and the most challenging one has been the one where I came face to face with my shadows.

I have been a perfectionist my whole life, always doing something or the other but this past one month when I did not had much to do towards my outside, I was forced to look in my inside. my past, my needs and from what intention it all originated.

I started my "career" in the social sector at a very young age, even though I came into this life because I wanted to help others but somewhere I also wanted to please myself by doing so. when you are here and if you are not careful you are bound to develop an ego, an ego that makes you always want to feel great about your self, I started feeling that, I felt my opinions mattered the most and that my courage to be where I was should be respected over anything, my ideas and dreams were the best and I wanted to change the world with my one opinion. Desires of being recognized, of being valued is so great that you forget the purity of the reason you joined in the first place.

During my travel I met such selfless people who had so little and yet they were more giving then I ever was without any expectation to be recognized. I could see the purity in their cause and questions like would I be able to do this if I knew there was no reward for my work, I could not come up with an answer.

Another thing that happened was that I don't have any ambitions or dreams left in me and the good part is that I don't feel afraid of that. We all have dreams of changing the world and making it a better place to live, I had one too but then I realized that my dreams were only limited by my short experience here and also the disappointments I had face limited me from dreaming, it made me doubt my own dreams. So I left it on universe to figure out the what is best for this world and I will participate in it as much as I can, being said that, it is also true that I want to create a better world but the only difference is that I don't want to put my definition of better on the world and force it to change in that direction. I don't want to lead, I want to participate and I feel the more i will work on myself the more I'll contribute towards a better world.

But this does not mean that I don't have my own thoughts and opinion, that'll be the ideal stage though, but for now I'm only human and I have my opinions but I want to learn to present my opinion not sounding like a supreme truth that doesn't respect any opposing opinion. And this is hard for me because of the ego I have earned in these past few years.

Working with people is tricky and like walking on a very thin line, if you are not careful and not constantly checking yourself your ego will take hold of you and at the end the only thing you'll be serving will be your ego. I was lucky to have realized that early thanks to all the lovely people who surround me and support me.

Last week when a friend visited me at my new nest in Bangalore she said that don't worry if I ever find you walking that path again, I'll be the first one to tell you and that was the most reassuring thing I have heard in a while.

I guess I'm one of those people who learn by making mistakes and the universe has been really kind to have surrounded me with people like her and many more who are always there to hold me before I fall.