It all starts as soon as we are born and continues until our last breath- the quest for love and how it makes everything perfect. The ultimate reward is to give and receive perfect love, and we spend all our life looking for that endorsement. The validation of worthiness and the feeling of being unconditionally loved by another perfect human makes our journey painful and colorful. Being a single woman in my 40’s, I am always told that I “need” to fall in love and find someone because there must be an emptiness in my life. When I tell them that I’m content and happy, the reaction is disbelief and a sarcastic look. One person even said, “Oh, you must be a feminist.”

I ask you- Does love really exist? Or is it companionship that is the ultimate goal? We watch shows and movies where girl meets boy and in the end love conquers all and the movie ends. Yet is this true? Does love make the world go round? Do we want to find love because we are trying to prove to the world that we are good enough to be loved? If true love does exist, why then do people fall in love, and a few years later, they can’t stand each other. Is love just a temporary feeling, or is their more to love?

I grew up in a household where my parents always got along, and they loved each other very much(and still do). I had never seen them argue until I was an adult. It was great to see them get along, but it kind of gave me a false perception of what a healthy relationship looks like, and I looked at the world through rainbow-colored glasses. At the age of 21, when I got married, I believed that spouses don’t argue, I know that sounds naive, but that is the truth. When I got married, it was far beyond my understanding of why we didn’t get along(this could also be because I had an arranged marriage, but that’s a whole different story). Every time things didn’t go his way, he lost his temper, then I lost mine, and the arguments were horrible. And that’s when I went to the opposite extreme and started to believe that love didn’t exist or maybe I wasn’t worthy of it. Wasnt life about being loved and giving that love back? How can I love if I cant get along with someone?

And I started to contemplate the complexities behind the concept of love.

The purest form of love I could think of was between a parent and a child. Is it so strong and unconditional because of our own selfishness? Do we want to prove to the world that we are great parents because our kids are well behaved, go to the best universities, or are in the best sports team? I think we feel that our kids are mirrors of us, what we do reflects in them, if they turn out to be losers, it’s who and what we are. I also believe that we do this because it feeds our own ego; it helps us to feel good about our self. We try to mold our children to become what we couldn’t be.

So then is it really unconditional love?

After years of contemplation, reading, experimenting, and just observing humans, I have concluded- that love cannot stand on its own two feet. It isn’t a singular stagnant feeling that stays forever. Love is fluid and continuously growing, developing, and awakening inside of us, just like our character is. Love is like a beautiful sky at night, where there is darkness, but the sky is still illuminated with stars, planets, moon, etc. The same way our hearts and minds are surrounded by darkness, we are skeptical of the world and the people around us, jealous, angry, resentful, etc. But then, bam! It happens, someone comes into our lives- a child, a friend, a significant other, and our hearts are illuminated. In that light, our hearts grow happier; we gain laughter, create memories, and become full of love.

Today, I do believe that love exists. The green grass and how it feels under your feet, the shade of a tree when it gives you relief from the scorching sun, a sip of fresh lemonade on a sunny day, a smile from a stranger, a belly laugh with a friend, even a prayer that has been answered or a miracle that happens when you least expect it; that to me is love.

I have also come to believe that self- love is above all. To communicate with yourself and tell yourself what a great job you have done, to say to yourself you are worthy, to unashamedly be you, and to always be honest with yourself. It means not to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Let guilt be a thing of the past, and acceptance be our friend today. We are the way we were meant to be curious, enlightened, hyper, artistic, skeptical, and logical, and so much more.